It Does Get Better
by deetatarant
Summary: Another take on EXIT WOUNDS


**Set at the last part of Exit Wounds. I don't normally go into the realms of adding bits to episodes, but I felt lots of things were missing from that final episode...Here's my take on it anyway. Thanks for reading.**

"**So shall Babylon the great city be thrown down with violence." Revelations 18:20.**

**"Night Tosh"**

Ianto felt rather than saw Jack lead a trembling Gwen from the autopsy Bay. He didn't follow them with his gaze or listen to the footsteps of John, Jack and Gwen mounting the steps slowly and unevenly. He did not register the closing of Jack's office door and Ianto stood there, desolate and alone Tosh's broken body at his feet. Not even aware that he was moving he bent down and gathered her body in his arms, oblivious to the blood he cradled her against him and gently, reverently lifted her from the floor. She was such a tiny delicate thing. He carried her up the steps careful to make sure that her head was leant against his shoulder, and then quietly he walked with her across the hub and down to the mortuary. He placed her body on the floor and pulled out a draw. It was number 078. Once this was done he picked her up and laid her on the tray arranging her hands at her side and brushing her hair from her face.

"I'll be back in a minute Tosh." He whispered planting a kiss to her forehead, which was still damp with sweat and starting to cool.

A while later, he wasn't sure how long, he returned to her side with a trolley, laden with a bowel of water, towels and a clean set of Toshiko's clothes. He carefully began to remove the things she had died in, bundling each item into a bin liner. When it came to her under wear Ianto hesitated. In life she had been as shy as he was.

"Forgive me Tosh. I just can't bear to leave you in dirty clothes. I'm sorry. I promise I won't tell any one."

With everything removed, he gently washed the blood and dirt away from her, singing softly to himself, to her, a Welsh love song. One his mother had sung to him when he was sad. He took care with the towels to pat her dry and in death she looked the picture of serenity itself. He dressed her in the clothes he had found in her locker. Her favourite pink blouse and the knee length black skirt she often favoured. It took some time, to get it just right, to make her look the immaculate professional that she always was. He placed a small blue satin pillow under her head and brushed the tangles out of her hair.

"How else can I tell you? You're so beautiful and I would give anything to change your place with mine. I am so sorry Tosh. So sorry. I'll talk to your mom and tell her how brave you are and how the universe always managed to put a sparkle in your eyes. I will miss you so much."

Her hands he rested over her chest and underneath them he placed a paper rose. The one she had made for him as a thank you gift eighteen months previously. Ianto had kept it in his desk draw ever since, often taking it out to admire it. Finally he stood back and looked at her, hoping that he'd done the right thing. The thought of leaving her on the cold floor any longer laying in her blood, he just couldn't, just couldn't do it. A faint smile graced his lips.

"Night Tosh."

He turned away and pushing the trolley ahead of him he went back into the Hub. The autopsy bay needed cleaning. Automatically he just went straight into the task, scrubbing the tiles and work surfaces until all traces of Tosh's departure were gone. His mind a complete void as he worked, his fingers numb by the end of it. He threw everything bloodied into the incinerator. When he came back into the Hub he found Gwen at her desk her phone to her ear, talking to Rhys. Ianto quietly sidestepped her, avoiding contact of any kind. He went back to the autopsy bay to double-check it was completely clean. He didn't want Jack or Gwen to see the blood. It was as clean as ever, as if nothing had transpired there.

Ianto then moved to Tosh's workstation and started to pick up the damaged equipment. It was a moment before he realised Jack was at his side taking things from his hands and pulling him into a bone-crunching embrace. Ianto folded into it without thinking or speaking. He didn't know what else to do. The smell of old earth still tainted Jack. He allowed himself to sink into the rhythm of Jack's breathing and to just stand there shielded from the world by his warmth, Jack's fingers roaming through his hair. Eventually Ianto eased himself away unable to look into Jack's face as he spoke.

"Tosh is waiting in 078, if you'd like to go and say good bye." He said quietly. Jack held out a hand to him and Ianto shook his head.

"I can't go back down there. I'm sorry, I just can't."

Jack nodded. "It's ok." He took Ianto's hand anyway and squeezed it.

Ianto watched as Gwen and Jack, arm in arm walked away in the direction of the mortuary. His reverie was disturbed by John Hart's grating voice.

"Eye Candy, you cleaned up already."

Ianto swung round. "For Jack's sake I won't kill you now. But if you ever cross my path again, be assured that I will."

John held his hands out in placation, genuine regret on his lean face. "I had no choice."

"There is always a choice."

"He would've killed me."

"Then you should've died." Ianto spat back.

John took a few paces forward; forcing himself into Ianto's self imposed personal space, their faces barely an inch apart. "Is that you would've done?"

Ianto glared straight at him. "Without question."

John snorted a little taken aback by the fierce hatred in Ianto's eyes. "Then you're a better man than me, Eye Candy."

"My name is Ianto."

"So what's gonna happen to Grey?"

Ianto sucked in a breath to steady himself. "I don't know. That's Jack's decision."

"You should put him down you know. He's not going to be anything other than insane, you know that."

Ianto hated the fact that John was quite right in his assessment; he also knew that at some point he would have to broach the subject with Jack.

"Like I said, not your concern, or mine for that matter."

"He murdered your friends Ey….Ianto."

"Yes he did, but that does not give me or anybody else the right to murder him, before you suggest it."

The young Welshman turned back to the task of getting Tosh's workstation back on line.

"Ianto."

"What!"

"Take care of Jack. I know what you mean to him and I'm jealous as hell that you have won over his heart the way you have. I do care about him and I am sorry all this has been brought down upon you, just don't blame Jack, because I know he blames himself."

Ianto stiffened and looked at John properly for the first time without anger clouding his vision.

"Thank you."

Jack and Gwen stood either side of Tosh's body. Gwen had reached out and was gently stroking her hair.

"Why isn't Ianto here?"

Jack looked across at her. Gwen was obviously hurt by his absence.

"When Lisa died, he laid her out, spent two days removing all the cyber hardware from her body. I think he needed to make her the person she once was. I knew he'd do the same for Tosh. He wouldn't let us help him then, as you know. Ianto has seen too much death Gwen, his family, his friends, Lisa now Tosh and Owen. I think doing this is his way of dealing with the loss."

"He hasn't cried, how can he not cry over them?" Her own tears were falling again.

"Because he keeps it all inside. It's Ianto's way. He's hurting as much as we are, don't doubt that and at some point he will cry, but we won't see it."

"I want to go home."

"I've already called Rhys, he's on his way to pick you up." Jack looked down at Tosh and frowned at the rose under her hands.

"Do you know where the flower came from?"

"Tosh made it for Ianto, after the whole Mary thing last year they became very close. Tosh was brilliant with origami, said it helped her centre herself."

Jack smiled. "I had no idea."

"Jack?"

He looked into Gwen's watery eyes.

"Yes?"

"You told me once, not to let things drift, with Rhys and myself. I'm going to give you a piece of your own advice now. Don't let it drift. You and Ianto, I don't know what you have, but don't lose it, you two are good for each other and he's going to need you."

Jack smiled. "Don't worry about that. We'll be fine." He returned his gaze to Toshiko and bent down to kiss her forehead.

"Bye Tosh."

Gwen followed his example a lingering touch of her cheek and then Jack closed the draw and sealed it.

Ianto had lost track of time. He pushed his front door open and entered his flat, Jack trailing at his heels looking as exhausted as Ianto felt. Ianto pulled off his coat and suit jacket and dropped them onto to the floor was he walked to the kitchen. He needed coffee. Jack picked up the discarded items noting that they were still covered in Tosh's blood, the jacket ripped from the explosion in the warehouse. He laid them over the back of the couch and put his great coat next to them, suddenly becoming aware of how dirty he still was.

"Ianto I'm gonna get a shower, come with me?"

Ianto stopped mid way through making the coffee. He looked down at himself still covered in……..He froze staring down at his shirt for a moment.

"Yes. Yes be there in a minute." He replied. Jack came to him snaking strong arms around Ianto's body pulling them tightly together. Ianto's hands settled at the back of Jack's neck their foreheads touching, both of them breathing in sync. It felt like time had just stopped and all Ianto could hear was the sound of their breathing and slowly the tightness in his muscles finally let go and the pain from his shoulder injury kicked in. It was the first time he had noticed it since…..well since this nightmare had begun.

"Oh." Ianto lowered his arms. "Shit, that hurts."

Jack kissed him. "Come on, hot shower, dinner, then bed."

Ianto had no reason to argue with that.

In truth it was the most intimate and passionate shower Ianto could remember them having. He was aware of Jack carefully, lovingly touching every inch of his skin as if trying to reassure himself that his young lover was still there. They whispered their comforts and words of enduring love through painful and desperate sex, then spent time lovingly washing one another before taking a gentler route to another much needed orgasm. Dinner was skipped in favour of falling straight into bed, bodies touching one another as close as they could be, fingers entwined, the sheets tangled around them.

Jack was the first to wake, unable to breath, screaming at the darkness, his body wracked with the fear of dirt pressing into his lungs. Ianto held him, calmed his soul and sang to him until the moment passed. Two hours later and Ianto awoke, reliving the fires of Canary Wharf, trying to pull Tosh and Owen from conversion machines. It was then he cried, heaving out sobs as if expelling his gut. When it settled he and Jack just lay there in the darkness, wide awake, afraid and sad. But their hands were still held, gripping one another so tightly, neither one wanting to let go.

"Jack?"

"Yes Ianto?"

"Does it get better?"

Jack turned his face to look at him, but it was too dark to see properly. Ianto was still facing the ceiling though.

"It does get better, just give it time."

"Everyone I ever loved Jack. I only have you and Gwen now."

"It won't always be like that."

"I love you, you know that right?"

Jack smiled. "I know. I love you too and I promise you, things will get better."

"Will you be OK Jack?"

"In time, we both will be and so will Gwen."

"It should've been me at the Power station."

"Don't start second guessing it Ianto. Our whole lives are 'what ifs' and 'maybes'. They both died doing what they could to protect others. It's what we all do, the life we chose. We know about the cost and we accept it."

There followed a long silence broken only by the sounds of their breathing.

"Do you want out Ianto?"

Ianto was not shocked by the question. In fact he'd been expecting it.

"Go out there to the real world, where I have no friends or family. To work in a job that I have passion for and that serves no purpose? I'd be…..I was going to say dead in a week and now I think on it? Yes, it would probably kill me, not physically, but my soul would die because there is nothing out there for me. All the normal things I had once dreamt of were for Lisa and me. That's gone now. I could never be with anyone in the way that I was with her."

"You said you loved me." There was great trepidation in Jack's voice.

Ianto turned on his side to face him. "I do love you Jack, more than anything and more intensely than I have felt it before in my whole life. But this life, the one we have will always be loaded with uncertainty, with the prospect of me dying, sooner or later. I'm not afraid of my end in itself. I am afraid of what that will do to you."

Jack kissed his forehead. "I can tell you this much. No matter how it much it hurts, it would've been worth it and I wouldn't change it."

"Thank you Jack."


End file.
